onward with curiosity

Hi all, how's it going? 

I thought I'd just do a quick post here because there were some thoughts in my mimd that I wanted to share ;) and we all know how much I tend to procrastinate with blog posts nowadays.

It's been a really great year so far. Then again, I always assume that the year will be great since I'm of the Dragon zodiac sign, which, thankfully, is always a fortuitous creature. X) But more tangibly, work has definitely improved. I no longer dread going to work every day which was what I had been feeling for so many months last year. It's different now. While I wouldn't say that I would want to do this in the long run, I can definitely see myself sticking with this rotation for a longer period of time. And every morning when I wake up simply not dreading work... I feel an immense sense of gratitude. Always a good way to start off the day.

In my last post, I talked about Elizabeth Gilbert's great book called Big Magic, which is basically her call to everyone to lead a more creative life. One in which "your decisions are based more strongly on curiosity than fear". I love that line so much. And I think it's something that I want in my life as a guidepost; something to help me make decisions when I'm faced with a situation that might end with me turning away from something great out of fear. I think it's going to enable me to live and create an extraordinary life in its own way. ;)

So basically what I'm trying to say is... I started learning how to sew. HAHA. Unexpected? Well, I can't believe it's taken me so long. It was pure serendipity, finding out that a friend's friend happened to be my former secondary school classmate who now does custom clothing designs for people (think gorgeous evening gowns and cheongsams mmmm) as a hobby/part time affair. Not only we were able to rekindle a friendship, but I was definitely inspired by her to learn to sew. Hopefully one day I'll be able to sew my own cheongsam. That's the eventual aim. When I told my mum that she was like, "Puh-lease. That's really hard!" and I was like, "FINE. Watch me then!" I think that's how the interactions with my mum went for a lot of my childhood. ;) Me, always wanting to prove her wrong and do whatever she thinks I don't have the ability/capacity to do. Maybe one day I'll find out it's all a secret method on her part to spur her kid to do things. In the meantime, I have started sewing at a local dressmaking studio. I'm only three classes in but I'm enjoying it so much. My first class, I was literally over the moon. The entire time and even after class, I had that heady rush of excitement and sheer happiness buzzing through me. It had been so so long since I'd felt that way. The feeling of endless possibility balled up inside of me. There's just no better feeling in life is there? Or at least, it's among the top of my list of Best Feelings. Of course, the initial thrill has diminished somewhat, because I'm still only in the beginner's phase of drawing sketches of skirts in my draft book. Sketch after sketch after sketch...measurement after measurement... correction and erasure after correction and erasure... But the teacher did say to me that another 4 more sketches or so and then I should be good to go. Didn't quite clarify with her about what she meant by 'good to go'. Did she mean I can start to... learn about fabric? Touch the sewing machine? Draft out the pattern on tracing paper? But I'm taking it slow and steady. A part of me feels like a primary school kid again, doing penmanship for Chinese characters. In that state of ignorance and forcing myself to do rote work because I have to. But now at least I have the ability to imagine the big picture; in that this will all make sense sooner or later and it is important work to build my foundation for sewing. Maybe that's what it means to grow a little older and, hopefully wiser. (Sadly, yes, I have become a year older this month.) You start to see beyond the immediate and begin to understand that maybe there's something larger awaiting us. But we can only fully appreciate it when we get there eventually.

Which brings me on to another aspect of learning which I thought was a real gem of an insight. I've been watching a lot of videos from Jonathan Field's Good Life Project. He's a lawyer turned entrepreneur/yoga-teacher/growth strategist (according to his bio) and his videos with all sorts of people (some experts in their fields/some entrepreneurs themselves) are really fascinating. I first discovered him when I watched an interview he did with Brene Brown and after that I was just so interested by his interviews with people. At the end of each interview, he always ends off with the question, What does it mean to you to lead a Good Life? And the answers are always inspiring in their own ways. Do check them out!

So this interview that I happened to listen to was with Leo Babauta, who was sharing his story of how he had changed his entire life mindfully to focus on simplicity and only the things he needed. One point that they had belaboured that I found fascinating was actually their thoughts on learning. They both came to that same conclusion that when you learn something, you always reach an initial point where you become comfortable with the subject and think that you're actually really good at it. But as Jonathan said, "If you keep seeking after that point, you fall off a cliff." That's when you realise that you actually know nothing. "You get enough mastery and enough comfort with what you know to start to open another door... that allows you to see how much you don't know." I just thought that that made so much sense. That really resonated with me for pretty much everything that I've learnt so far. We often learn something we're interested for a while and we keep at it till we're semi proficient in it. But then inevitably there reaches a point when it becomes difficult...and then give up. Not realising that that part that's difficult is often the bridge we have to cross in order to gain even more depth, wonder and power from that which we're learning. To become really good at something/realise that we actually know so little. But there's also a beauty in knowing that we're on this journey of learning and that it'll never end.

Elizabeth Gilbert echoed that sentiment as well in Big Magic. Talking about how people tend to give up when things become hard in their creative endeavours. But as her friend, Rob Bell, says, "Don't rush through the experiences and circumstances that have the most capacity to transform you." When things stop being easy or rewarding, we shouldn't just give up or let go of our courage. Because "that's the moment when interesting begins".

I could go on and on about these million and one insights gained from reading her book and watching her interviews... but maybe one thing at a time. ;) I would highly recommend you check them out as well. 

~*~ 

So far, I'm really grateful that I've been able to work on my new year's resolutions with a fair amount of success. I've been participating in a couple of different exercise classes and my absolute favorite would have to be this Body Combat class that I discovered a few months ago. It's kinda like kick-boxing but without the bag to kick. A mixture of martial arts moves with great music that gets the blood pumping and a hilarious/enthusiastic instructor who always makes it fun. Also tried a Reformer pilates class yesterday and while I nearly wanted to keel over halfway because it was HARDDD... I could tell it was good for me. And sure enough, today I already feel stronger in my core muscles and legs. So at Body Combat class today, I suddenly felt this sense of fantastic well-being, mid jump. The feeling that I think I've never been stronger or fitter (and hopefully healthier) in my life for such a long time. And I couldn't be more grateful for the chance to do something good for my body. We only have one body and mind in this life and one of the best things we can do for ourselves is invest in our bodies and in our health. ;) Hopefully you feel motivated to do something good for your own body as well. 

Hokay, TGIF tomorrow. Here's to a beautiful rest of the week.


XOXO

on Good Reads...and to the New Year

Happy 2016, everyone.

It's 2016.

WOW. It's 2016!!

It seems like the New Year had just been creeping steadily behind us for a long while then before we knew it, it's now ahead of us. December seemed to have passed really quickly. Probably also to do with the fact that I was lucky enough to have been able to take a decent amount of leave to go on holiday and with the public holidays well, it certainly passed a lot less painfully than expected. ;)

I've been looking forward to the New Year with its new beginnings for a long time now. Sometime last April/May the thought that I wanted a change in my work had emerged and for the rest of the year, I had been anticipating quite eagerly the switchover to another type of job. Workwise, definitely different from what I'm used to but I'm looking forward to the time that it'll hopefully accord me to pursue other interests and priorities in life. I could only changeover to the new posting this year so it has been a rather restless past half of year; me half wishing time would pass quicker but at the same time, trying my best to treasure whatever good times I was going through because really, it was quite a good past half of year, all things considered.

It's funny how life changes eh? I remember just a few years ago thinking I'd want to do something entirely different with my career...perhaps maybe a huge career switch and doing something such as pursuing another degree overseas. That never came to fruition but after finishing up university and then starting work... those dreams are vastly different from before. New hopes and dreams have come into play and had I gone after the old one I'm not sure if I would be where I am now, much clearer about the sort of life I would like for myself in the future. So I suppose as I grow older I start to realize how amorphous life can be. How something that at one point, can appear so steadfast and unchanging, ends up becoming as malleable and versatile as we ourselves are. Therein lies the beauty of life eh?

I've been reading a couple of books over the past month and boy, do I really want to introduce them to you.

1. I thought it was just me (but it isn't) 
2. The Gifts of Imperfections 
3. Daring Greatly

All of which are by the amazing Brené Brown - incredible researcher/story-teller whose work revolves around shame and vulnerability. I think she's probably changed the lives of countless people who have been through her courses, heard her online, read her books, participated in discussions around the topics she has been so passionately speaking up on. In essence, it runs the gamut from - how/why we feel shame, how shame affects us in our lives, and how we can become more shame resilient in order to lead Wholehearted lives. Everything makes so much SENSE when you read through her work. I definitely want to dedicate a proper post to sharing more of her work but if you want a real quick introduction to the topic of shame and vulnerability, this TED Talk is a great way to get in there:

I can't remember when I had first heard it but I have definitely watched it multiple times since then because it's always such a great reminder of how often we let our actions be directed by underlying shame and how it really takes bravery to be vulnerable in order to cultivate meaningful connection in our lives. I could go on and on about this (and my family and close friends have probably heard it enough times to automatically give me the glazed-eyed look) but if you're interested in this topic, I highly recommend steeping yourself into it. :D I have realized that these things do have a rather self-selecting audience. People who are interested in these topics probably would already have heard about it or go on to click on the link for the talk or read up about her work already and those who aren't...are the ones who give me the glazed-eyed look when I try to talk about it lol. To each his own. :p But I do recommend at least watching the video.

4. Eat, Pray, Love

by Elizabeth Gilbert.

I know, you're probably thinking, you haven't read it yet??! I know it's such a major bestselling novel and just about everyone had been talking about it when it first came out but yeah, I was one of those who had not been interested in reading it at the time, thinking it was going to be just about someone on her travels around the world. BOY, was I mistaken. It is about someone on her travels around the world but it's so much more than that. It is about her attempt to rediscover herself by traveling to Italy to learn about pleasure, India to learn about devotion, and Indonesisa to learn about balancing both. The best part was that I didn't actually read her book physically. Rather, I discovered the audiobook on youtube and ended up listening to the entire book instead. I thought it would be a good idea because she is actually the one reading the audiobook! She has got such a comforting, reassuring voice and is a wonderfully eloquent storyteller. I remember watching an interview in which the audience member asked her whether she would read the audiobooks for some of her other books such as The Signature of All Things but she said she probably wouldn't because it was different from Eat, Pray, Love which was essentially her memoir. So it made sense for her to read it since it was her own thoughts and her own journey.

Here's the link for Part 1 of her audiobook:

I loved listening to it while in the car. Probably finished about 95% of it while driving around. The other 5% was towards the end when I was a little more desperate to find out what happened so I ended up bringing my phone with me everywhere in the house, playing it while I brushed my teeth... etc. ;p Ever do that with a video you can't stop watching? Anyway, I will probably read the book for real soon because there's nothing like the physical act of actually seeing the words and flipping the pages of a book. I probably missed a lot of the fine details and would love to read again about all the interesting facts of Italy/India/Indonesia that she introduces in the book. It's an incredibly earnest book, with many humorous turns and I often found myself laughing out loud in the car upon hearing a funny passage. (My favorite bits of the book include the her adventures with Ketut Liyer, the extraordinary Balinese medicine man, who oftentimes ended his conversation with her with the very adorable, 'I am very happy to see you, Liss. Let your conscience be your guide. If you have Western friends come to visit Bali, bring them to me for palm-reading. I am very empty in my bank since the bomb.' One added benefit of listening to her audiobook is that she does do 'impersonations' of her foreign friends and changes her accent to mimic theirs, which is such a gem.

Funnily enough, I had initially decided to check out her book only after I had watched this video of her being interviewed by Marie Forleo:

It was about her new book, Big Magic (which I am now happily perusing!), and how everyone can lead a more creative life. There was one bit that really resonated with me. "Every single thing that's of value, that I have ever experienced in my life...we're always looking for a way to kinda hot-wire it" but then of course we can't. Totally paraphrasing her here but that was the essence. And it's so true. Everything in life that is of value...be it your relationships with family members and friends, your physical health, your emotional/spiritual health, your achievements in life... they are all THAT much precious and valuable, largely BECAUSE of all the time and effort that you put into it. If it could be 'hacked' or if there was a way to short cut through the tedious process of learning, failing, getting up to try again... then well it wouldn't be as precious would it?

I'm thinking about this in relation to learning new things. This year, one of my resolutions is to pursue and cultivate my creative interests. Two things on the list for this, would be learning Japanese (again!) and ceramics. ;) I've been thinking about re-learning Japanese after stopping lessons somewhere in the 2nd or 3rd year of university because I couldn't cope with studying for exams and needing to dedicate time to study my Japanese as well. It's been on my mind for a long long time now, that I'll get back to re-learning Japanese when the time is more opportune. Well, now's the time. Or at least, this year is the time. I need to probably get back to my dusty notes and textbooks and revise a little because trying to place myself back into a class and I envision that it's gonna be hard work all over again but you know what? I am really looking forward to that. That sort of pursuit of something I love. When I think back to those days when I was younger and studying Japanese, I remember enjoying it so much, even when it was getting harder to memorize the new vocab or the new sentence structures... it was just FUN. Being able to delve deeper into a language and through that portal, being able to understand a culture that much more.

And besides, one thing that I find, sometimes prevents me from pursuing something further, is the thought that I'm never going to be that good at it. For example, I'm never going to be that good at baking/not going to end up doing something at a professional level, so why bother going further with it? Elizabeth Gilbert talks about that as well in a similar manner in the above interview with Marie Forleo, about The Power of Finishing. Of how "perfectionism is a serial killer", because it's often the killer of creativity. So many times perfectionists don't carry out a project because they know deep down they won't be able to do it to the level that their hearts desire. Which in the end, is a real shame because even if the end product was not as perfect as envisioned, it could still be pretty darn good. And as her mother used to say, "Done is better than Good". To me, that makes so much sense. Even if let's say, a story, that you've written, is not as perfect as you had hoped, isn't it better that it's out in the world fulfilling its role as a story being read by others, rather than being tucked away in a cupboard or saved somewhere in a computer file as a draft, never to be completed? Bit of a tangent to what I was referring to as learning but I think it can be related. Do I need to end up a professional Japanese-English translator before I can decide to embark on learning Japanese? Of course it would be amazing and that is the ultimate dream. ;) But I don't need to end up at that stage in order to enjoy the process of learning something I'm interested in. The process in itself is where infinite enjoyment can be found. And that's something to be grateful for, and to look forward to already.

---

So since it's the new year, it seems only fitting to end off with a note on resolutions.

My new year's resolutions are all a little nebulous. Not all can be quantified easily and it's not something like lose 5kg which would be easier to chart in terms of progress but I think it's things that I will need to reflect on every so often to see if I'm on course.

I hope to/resolve to (wow, that automatically sounds a lot stronger doesn't it):

1. Cultivate and maintain relationships with family and friends 
2. Cultivate and maintain good health 
3. Cultivate and maintain my creative interests 
4. Cultivate and maintain my spirit, to have the grace to accept and withstand challenges and to always be grateful for the blessings I have

I suppose those are more of goals and I'm goal-charting or map-making more than anything else. But at least now that I know where I'd like to go, I can start making inroads.

So yes, here's to the New Year. To looking forward to new hopes and experiences. And to being grateful all the while for whatever we have.

(What are your New Year's resolutions? :))

Xoxoxo

on The Circle and social media

I've been meaning to do a post on this for awhile now and finally I'm enjoying a quiet night alone with a cup of tea, dark chocolate and the diffuser spewing out Lavender scented air. ;) The perfect setup to hang out with my thoughts. 

The Circle, by Dave Eggers, is one of the best fiction books I've read in a long time. I read it over the course of a holiday last month and it was the perfect airplane book because it was so dang riveting.

It's basically a cautionary tale, set in a not-so-difficult-to-foresee future, where the world is influenced hugely but The Circle, a massive social media company which basically controls the internet and all platforms of social media (eerily similar to our Google/Facebook...just a step further), and is the most coveted place to work at with its own 'campus', housing state of the art facilities in beautifully designed buildings, boasting incredible employee benefits such as plush on campus lodgings, an endless variety of afterhours social activities/free lunchtime classes... the works(sound a lot like some companies we know about too?). The story follows the protagonist, Mae, who begins her job at The Circle and, as she ascends through the ranks, introduces us deeper to the increasingly tyrannical leanings of the company, whose founders' mission is to move society towards total transparency and for knowledge to be made freely available to everyone.

What was so unnerving for me, was how there were many forms of technology in the story that are freakily enough, entirely within the realms of possibility. For example, the company produced 'SeeChange', making use of small high resolution cameras that could be fixed anywhere by users to allow for a constant video stream on thousands of cameras. The benefit of course would be knowledge of the goings on almost everywhere in the world. But the obvious penalty? An increasingly complete lack of privacy especially to those who did not chose to be a part of it.

Plus, there was a huge bit on the obsession we have with social media; the need to have/curate an online presence along with the need for constant connectivity. In the Circle, employees are ranked socially based on their online interactions (e.g. how many discussion groups they are in, how many messages they reply to, events they RSVP to, comments they leave on other people's feed) and Mae works her way up the rank through frenziedly commenting, 'zing'-ing, joining communities, befriending others... Something which I thought was so eerily familiar.

I do remember a point in time in my life a couple of years back when I had just starting with blogging and was keen to get to know other bloggers and hoped that other bloggers would come by my site so that there would be a connection and exchange of comments and ideas. I can't remember how much time I spent commenting on page after page of blogs, sometimes even with really paltry comments such as 'wow, looking good!' or 'that's awesome!', which was something I could easily do even without having properly read through the person's blog post. In fact, it seemed to be the case with a lot of fashion blogs that I used to follow quite enthusiastically. It's so much easier to just leave a comment on text-sparse blog posts. A series of photos? Easy. Scroll through quickly, think of a positive comment to leave and type it in, hoping that the blogger would either reply or maybe even come back to your own blog, thereby increasing blog traffic. What about focusing on reading a post with more explanations/texts? Not so much, because it took more time. Only if it really caught my attention. Come to think of it, there wasn't very much meaning in that sort of digital footprint. It's only now when I think back that I see how superficial it all seems. And yet, it's probably what quite a number of people do, because at the end of the day, who doesn't feel emboldened by comments/likes/validation of any form, especially online?

Reading The Circle made me think about our relationship with technology (of course our near obsession with the use of social media being the most obvious phenomenon) but in a broader sense of the term. Ever go into a restaurant, look around while waiting for food and see a couple at a nearby table - guy and girl each looking at their phones in silence? Or maybe a family - parents and teenagers, all looking at their phones separately in silence? I've seen so many of them it's unsettling. The key components are - separate and in silence. What's the point of going out to a meal together if you're only going to be eating with your phone? Every time I go out nowadays I try my best to make it a point to put my phone away (taking it out only for the quick selected food shot, that one I will admit to doing sometimes ;p) so that I can give the other person my full attention. I would hate to be the one looked at from afar by someone thinking, man, that's a sad looking couple right there. Because that's the first thought that comes to mind. If a couple/friends/family members are unable to tear their eyes away from their phones for the short duration of a simple meal in order to properly look at each other and appreciate each other's company, it's a real shame.

This brings to mind an article I just read a few days ago which is also a reflection of our enmeshed our virtual lives have become with our everyday lives. It was an interesting title and I almost thought they were joking - "Why Fashion Bloggers' Lives Aren't As Charmed As You Think". Like many outsiders, immediately I thought, really? Aren't their lives pretty exciting and awesome? That's the idea I get from looking at all those glossy, picture perfect Instagram feeds. But wow, it's definitely a case of looks being deceiving. Turns out that famous bloggers with huge followings really need to be constantly present, coming up with new material that keep followers interested. The case in point was of Nicole Warne ( @garypeppergirl) who took a short break, causing loads of followers to start frantically asking questions such as what happened/where are you/are you ok!! Kinda stressful for someone who might just have wanted to unplug for a couple of days. There was an incredibly similar bit in The Circle when Mae had to 'go transparent' and wear a camera round her neck almost 24/7 so that people could see what she was doing at any one time of the day. And it was programmed to allow her about 3 minutes in the toilet, the camera facing the back of the door, and if she wasn't back 'on air' after 3 minutes, her viewers would start asking questions like, are you ok? Freaky how life imitates art. Or is it the other way round.

But that's the thing about success isn't it? It's such a hard balance to strike at times. On the one hand, you want to have followers and viewers but on the other hand, sometimes it might be nicer when things are at a manageable size when you can actually interact in a meaningful manner with them. At least that's what I would think. I always have the cafe analogy in my mind for scenarios like these. In the ideal world, if I were to run a cafe, it would be perfect if there were enough customers to allow me to make a decent profit, and yet at the same time, not too many such that it would become overly crowded. If it were packed with too many people, it would just ruin the quiet ambience that had been the plus point at the beginning attracting more customers. The success paradox, or whatever it's called. I'm sure it's something well theorized in economics.

That said, what is it about us nowadays and our need to be heard through multiple online platforms? With social media metrics such as 'likes', 'followers', 'shares' that are often used as the judge for success in the blogosphere, is it fair to dismiss people who don't appear to have as much of a widespread impact? I always used to think that well yes, the more people who are known to have read/viewed whatever you're sharing, the better because then obviously your sphere of influence is wider. But then does that mean, we ought to be sharing everything we do in life?

There was a particularly poignant bit in The Circle when Mae was on the receiving end of some approbation because she had not shared her experience of kayaking with friends/users online; not through their Facebook/Twitter/Blog equivalent...nada. And why was it a bad thing? Because their motto was that 'sharing is caring' and 'if you care about your fellow human beings, you share what you know with them'. I think that's true for most people who want to share information online. On the one hand, they usually genuinely hope to share their thoughts, experiences, knowledge and the likes with others and on the other hand, are hoping for recognition and validation of themselves. It's a two way street. Of course, in the book, they took it a step further and went on to talk about how if we don't share, it's akin to depriving another person of information or their right to know. Simply twisting that around and adding a moral dimension to that turned it from something voluntary, borne out of love, to something obligatory, borne out of fear.

So tell me, truthfully, have you ever had these thoughts run through your mind:

Is my experience made more important because I shared it? 

If I didn't share it, was it less meaningful for me because I could have made it 'bigger'? 

If I didn't share it on social media...did I even do it?

This last one invokes such a feeling of existential crisis does it not? It reminds me of a thought experiment from somewhere... If you take an apple and put it inside a drawer and close the drawer, is it still there? If nobody sees it, is it there? Of course you would say, yes because when I open the drawer it's there. But is there a chance that when the drawer is closed, it might not be there?

In this day and age, it's interesting that if I did something such as go to eat a great meal over the weekend but didn't share it on Instagram... it would appear as if I didn't eat anywhere nice over the weekend because we almost expect everything in life to be transposed automatically to social media.

How I've come to grasp with the entire issue, is that at the end of the day, we are the ones who imbue our experiences with the meaning we choose. So I experience something. And whether I choose to share it with others or not should not in any way add to or diminish the meaning of that experience unless I so choose to let it do so. If I lived my life thinking, man I need to share a photo of this great meal of mine because more people need to know about it!, I could very well be adding an additional later of stress onto that whole experience from feeling the sheer obligation to share. (That said, I'm a huge proponent of the benefits of social media through the sharing of knowledge. For me, the best bit about Instagram? Finding out new food places. Very banal of course, but it's the truth! ;p)

And on a related note, if I have 15 likes versus someone who has 200 likes on a blog post/Facebook post/photo, does that mean that what I put out into the world was less worthy or meaningful? Sometimes we hinge our self esteem/self worth on some things as superficial as an icon or number on a webpage or app. Thinking about it rationally just shows us how it doesn't quite make sense. Some things that are inherently intangible such as influence or meaning can't be measured so simply with a number. If one post only garnered one like but changed the life for the 1 person who read it for the better... vs 2000 likes by people who only cursorily glanced at it without further thought? Can we extrapolate one person's experience to be the same for everyone else? So really, there isn't any good way to compare nor should there be any need to.

Of course, the tendency to compare is there. The desire to be different and special. And it was put in such an elegant passage in The Circle:

"... Most people would trade everything they know, everyone they know - they'd trade it all to know they've been seen, and acknowledged, that they might even be remembered. We all know we die. We all know that the world is too big for us to be significant. So all we have is the hope of being seen, or heard, even for a moment."

I thought it made such breathtakingly, crystal-clear sense.

So I've come to end of my long ramble. Long story short, read The Circle. It's at once chilling and cautionary, while also plausible and prescient. And the most ironic bit? The minute I finished the book I couldn't wait to share it with everyone on Facebook. But here I am blogging about it first. ;)

---

Ahh sobb Sunday tomorrow. The weekend flies by so darn quickly.
Have a great rest of the weekend. 

xoxooxo

Home-Cooked: Matcha Soy Latte V1.0

A few years back, I tried a life-changing drink. One which quickly became an all-time favorite of mine. That drink, was an Ochacha Silk, so named because the cafe serving it was called Ochacha. (I even did a blog post about it agesss ago and I'm sure you can see I loved it so much even then and was omggg so much younger) Definitely a twist on the word Matcha, because that cafe served all things Matcha related and with soy milk as well. There were iced drinks (Ochacha Silk On the Rocks was a great one to have on hot and humid day/any day of the week), warm drinks, little Matcha madeleines, healthy porridge sets that actually looked pretty decent, and a most amazing Matcha Azuki soft sponge cake (layer of yummy azuki interspersed with matcha sponge and cream cheese layers). Basically, it was my haven. My oasis. My sanctum sanctorum. I went there so many times in university especially during the exam period because it was such a treat. A beautiful, peaceful escape from everything in life. One of the things I loved most about it was the quiet. It was never really that crowded and I would be able to lounge there leisurely, sipping on a mug of warm Matcha Soy Latte while enjoying a book or writing in my journal. If I wanted to spend a little more time there, I'd just order another. Because one mug was often not quite enough.

But to my utter horror and shock, I walked by one day for my usual cuppa and it was closed. For good. All boarded up with a sign for a new up and coming fruit juice stall I did not recognize. Boy, was that a painful day. My heart's still on the mend.

For a long time after, I wondered how I could re-create that favorite drink of mine. It looked simple and I had watched the staff concoct it countless times. Of course, though you know it's do-able, sometimes you just want to have the pleasure of having it prepared for you in a cafe. It's the atmosphere, the pomp and pageantry. Finally, the time came when someone bought me a packet of Matcha powder and I thought, ok let's give it a try. Amazingly, it was much easier than I thought it would be, to achieve my own little OChacha.

Matcha Soy Latte v1.0 (a.k.a my attempt at an Ochacha Silk)

Haven't quite progressed to other superior versions yet though there have been some attempts at latte art which have not materialised. One big reason is because the quality of soy milk makes it very difficult to get appropriate microfoam which is the basis of good latte art. A work in progress ;p.

But the taste is pretty much the same. And to achieve that, you only need one key ingredient. THIS Sobe milk (the blue one at the bottom of the page). It's the same one I saw them use in the cafe. It's a specific taste though but if you prefer yours sweeter or less sweet, you could go according to the brand of Soy milk/whole milk that you like.

This is basically the recipe for the most basic of Soy Lattes. ;) Beginner's level stuff.

Matcha Soy Latte (Basic Recipe) 

Ingredients:

- Matcha powder, 1 teaspoon 
- Soy Milk of choice (I personally like the blue Sobe Trim Soy Milk brand), 3/4 cup 
- 1/4 cup of hot water 
- a mini electric whisk (as shown in this video) (mine was a good $2 buy from Daiso! :D)

Method:

1. Heat up your soy milk in a milk pan or in a microwave oven (usually for about 1 minute). Be sure to watch the milk because it burns much more easily than regular milk so once the edges are almost ready to break into tiny bubbles, it's good enough. You can stir it regularly to prevent it from burning as well.

2. To a cup, add in the Matcha powder (you can even sieve it if the powder you've got is a little stuck together in clumps because it's tough to mix Matcha well into your soy milk once it's formed tiny clumps), followed by the hot water (not boiling, just hot).

3. With a bamboo Matcha whisk, whisk the Matcha and hot water till evenly mixed and no clumps are seen.

4. Pour in the hot soy milk to your Matcha, stirring evenly, leaving about 1/8-1/4 cup of soy milk left in your pot (depending on how much foam you want eventually).

5. Use the electric whisk and give the remaining soy milk a good whirr for about 20-30seconds. Usually it creates a decent stiff foam.

6. Top your cup of Matcha Soy Latte with the foam. Decorate it in whatever style you'd like with some Matcha powder (I use a mini whisk for mine to get the powder out smoothly on the surface of the foam).

So far, that's one of the easiest designs I've been able to come up with. Just a straight line across. Not much I know, but the other one that's easy is just an even dusting to foam a circle. Of course you could also try to use stencils as my friend suggested but...I've been lazy to buy/make one. XD

Even though taste-wise it's pretty much an exact match to the Ochacha in my memory... of course it's not the same. I miss that cafe so badly. It was really one of the best cafes I loved going to which gives me such good warm fuzzies whenever I think back to times spent there. Whenever I walk by I secretly hope that I'll see the cafe back and re-opened like before. No luck yet.

Will just have to enjoy home-made Ochacha for the time being.

XOXO

on Time and Robin

Have you ever had an afternoon of free time and before even starting on anything, feel this slow creeping sense of...guilt? Even before embarking on any afternoon project. Sometimes I get this feeling. Because every before starting on any activity, I already instinctively make a quick mental calculation of its 'net worth' in my mind. Is it a productive use of my free time? Or is it something that I will probably regret doing because there were other things that I could've done using that block of precious free time?

It's such a strange way to live. On the one hand, when I'm at work I just crave so badly the weekend...or any free days that might serendipitously come my way, when I can do the things I've been meaning to do in a leisurely, guiltless manner. I suppose that's the thing about anticipation. It's often the most amazing when you're anticipating something great. But when the time comes to actually go through with the activity, it's often a little different than expected. I sometimes look at the list of things I want to do and think, which one is not so important? Which should I make my priority and which should can be relegated to another day? Sometimes I have trouble with that dichotomy and end up crawling straight back to bed into the lovely comforting cocoon of blankets and pillows, where I don't have to do anything but be still. I call it being lulled into inactivity. The paradoxical prison of choice. Where there are so many possibilities one faces that one can't help but freeze in inertia. It's happened on more than one occasion. After which I just go, what on earth am I doing?

I think sometimes we're simply not accustomed to doing nothing. We've been brought up to think that being productive is better/you've only got one life to live so sleep when you're dead!/stop wasting valuable time. But so much of that advice is geared towards us simply living the best life we can live since it's such a precious gift we've been given. If we spend so much time running around chasing a goal, we're bound to slow down in our tracks some time or another and go, what the heck am I chasing? Those roses actually look nice. Is it ok to slow down and smell them? Am I wasting my time? It seems like only when I'm on vacation do I really allow myself the luxury of just...not bothering with what I'm doing with my time. I don't need to be working on anything. I can just look around...people watch (a completely underrated hobby really, because people are probably still the most fascinating subjects in the world), be in the moment, wherever I am.

I think I've started becoming a lot more selective about things in the past few months. Or perhaps it's been a gradual shift towards self-preservation after starting work over 2 years ago. With limited energy and time after work, there came a point when I became very conscious of how my body and mind would feel if I overdid things. It used to be that post-call I would just head straight to town, get some shopping done, fit in a hearty meal, maybe get a massage/pedicure/anything pampering (all in a sort of artificial caffeine induced high) and then get home late only to crash in bed...wake up the next morning for work. And be ok at the start. But after awhile, I started to get tired more early...and would not be able to recover so well the next day. I remember a period of waking up, the main thought in my head being, oh man, can't wait to come back home after work for a nap. Thankfully, it's not so bad anymore. But it's also been a much more conscious decision of saying, I need at least XX number of hours in a day for full rest for myself, to not go out with friends or go out to town and wear myself out unnecessarily. It's true what they say that as you get older, your circle of friends grows smaller but stronger, because you only focus on the relationships you really want to strengthen. Life selects itself for you, in that sense. Sometimes subconsciously.

But after reading Marie Kondo's book on The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, it's definitely something I'm working on. Decluttering...pruning away the unnecessary elements of my life. So far I've only managed to declutter my wardrobe! And that was quite an exercise. ;p But that's only 1/10th of the way. I still need to move on to shoes, books, papers, random items etc.... Still a long way to go. No wonder she said her typical client can take an average of 6 months to go through everything. I wonder if I'll be able to do that by the New Year. Or maybe the Chinese New Year, if all else fails.

Back to the whole idea of how we should spend our time... I remember asking D once, how are we supposed to know whether what we're doing is something that's worth our time? It's so easy to worry if what I'm spending my time on is worthwhile and meaningful, or is it going to be something that doesn't amount to anything at the end of the day? Of course, he comes back with an answer that's reasonable and comforting, as he so often does. His answer was, that we just can't. We can't know for sure if what're doing right now will be the right way to spend our time and more importantly, we can't live like that. We'd go crazy.

It seems so simple when put that way. Sometimes we just need to have faith that whatever we choose to put our time and energy on right now, will amount to something in the future. That's life isn't it? Believing and hoping that all will turn out for the best. And at the end of the day, what happens in the end is not going to be as important as the journey of getting there. Because well, we may never get to our intended end point. We might end up at someplace different/better. And if we choose to believe that the way we spend our time now is right for us at this point in time, we're leading the life we've chosen. That's one of the most beautiful things I can think of that we should be grateful for.

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This brings me to my other topic of interest actually, a most amazing woman, Robin Roberts.

It's funny because while she's most popularly known as one of the anchors on the tv show Good Morning America, I only discovered her a few months back through some Ellen Degeneres and Michelle Obama videos (oh those two are also great women I admire so much). I'd never actually seen a full episode of GMA before.

But wow, after finding out about her story, I've been a huge fan. From humble beginnings growing up in Mississippi to wonderfully supportive parents, she ended up first as a sports journalist on ESPN (after initially wanting to be a professional basketball player but always jokingly saying she lacked something called... ability!) then transitioned on to become a successful news anchor and reporter. She's had to battle two huge illnesses in her life, the first being Breast Cancer which she defeated in 2008, and then Myelodysplastic Syndrome which she overcame through a bone marrow transplant from her older sister in 2012. Since then, she's been in the clear, inspiring so many people with her story, myself included.

One of the things I love most about reading and watching her shows is all the wonderful quotes that she's shared. I've just finished reading her book, Everybody's Got Something, which is incredibly inspirational. I highly recommend this book for anyone interested in finding out more about her, about her journey, or anyone who simply would like to get a renewed zest for life. She has so much zeal for living; it's palpable through her words. Reading it is almost like listening to her talk in a one-on-one conversation. It's hard not to feel blessed with what you have and grateful to be living after finishing her book.

Robin's Book:

Some videos that I really enjoyed watching: 

This one's the main one that's a short documentary on her journey. 

 

Another one (narrated by Tom Cruise! lol):



I really liked this interview because she talked about some more personal stuff that led her to becoming a journalist/TV anchor which I hadn't heard in other interviews:



Another great one:



Here are some of her quotes that I find so meaningful:

1. "When fear knocks, let faith answer the door."

I love this one. You don't need to be religious or have to believe in a particular God to let this quote work for you. You could be simply be more spiritual or just have faith in something larger than yourself. It's a very comforting notion, to be able to take a deep breath, park your worries somewhere else, in the hands of something/someone, and hope for the best.

2. "Your story is no more important that anybody else's story. When you strut, you stumble"

How true, isn't it? Whenever we start feeling like our issues are more important than someone else's or that the whole world revolves around us, we'll start making decisions that only serve to trip us up in the end. 'Our hubris will be our undoing', as Rick Castle wisely said ;p. And besides, if we only knew what someone else was going through, we wouldn't be so quick to judge. I like what she said about how if we all put our troubles into a common bowl and saw what else everyone was putting in, we'd pull ourselves back within a jiffy. The grass is always greener on the other side. Nothing is as it seems. Always good to keep in mind.

3. "A setback is a setup for a comeback." 

That comes from her background in sports, for sure. But so much of what happens on the court is applicable to life outside the court. Whenever we're facing an obstacle in life, be it something related to our job, a relationship, what have you not, instead of moping about it and letting it win, we could slowly but surely, try to position ourselves in a way that allows us to move forward in the direction that we want. Every setback is a time for reflection; an opportunity to examine your values, your priorities, and thereafter head towards something better and new.

4. "The tragedy is not so much the experience that you're having. The tragedy is that we don't take the time to understand the meaning and purpose behind what we're going through."

Wise words once again. Sometimes we go through rough patches and can't understand why we need to go through it. But it's similar to the previous quote. If we can, we should take time to retreat into someplace quiet, to be in touch with our 'inner pilot light' as Lissa Rankin would say. Might sound like a load of hippy hogwash to some but if you believe in such things, you'll know how it can work like magic.

5. "Everybody's got something, but it's also true that everybody, and I do mean everybody, also has something to give."

Instead of focusing always on our problems, sometimes focusing one how we can help others can be a quick solution to making us feel better. I always feel better when I'm taking care of someone I love. To me, that's always going to be a meaningful way to spend time. Nurturing relationships often has far greater positive effects on both parties than we realize.

So have I convinced you enough that she is an amazing woman? ;)

Two things that are apparent throughout the book are her great capacity for gratitude and her incredible zest for life. Both are truly infectious. Almost every page is a word of thanks from her to someone who helped her along the way in her journey. Living life with gratitude is a way of living life well. Her words are a constant reminder to be infinitely grateful for all that we have.

One bit that I really loved at the end was when she talked about her experience being able to fly the same fighter jet that her late father (a member of the famed Tsukegee Airmen) flew in his military days.

"As I stood on the tarmac, I felt like I was five years old again. There was no music, but I did a little swaying happy dance. The kind of dance that a kid might do if you announced that unexpectedly, there was no school."

It made me smile so much. How often do we let ourselves feel the sort of unadulterated happiness we used to feel as kids? Simple things that made us happy. For me, I remember things like catching the 7.30am Akazukin Chacha show on Cartoon Network every Sunday as being such a great Happy pill. X) Time to let ourselves feel that sort of joy more often when we have the chance.

So take a minute to check out these videos and if you're inspired as well, let me know and we can have a chat about love, life and all things Robin. ;)

Have a great week ahead.

XOXOXO

while we can, when we can

I couldn't help but pick up the latest edition of Kinfolk magazine the other day, after a quick peek at the contents caught my eye. Its theme was about Essentialism. That which we can't live without. What are the things that are at the core of our lives such that they emerge, glistening, when everything else coarse and unnecessary, has been polished away?

My dearest grandfather, Ahkong, passed away recently. He had suffered from a very bad stroke at the beginning of the year, just after the New Year (something which I'm always grateful for in terms of timing because at least he managed to have those few wonderful nights of festive celebration with all of us leading up to the New Year before the stroke hit). Since then, I've felt something inside shift. They always say that your priorities change when someone around you passes away or falls gravely ill. Because then you're confronted with your own vulnerability; a harsh reminder that that could be you one day...any day in fact. Living with the shadow of death hovering certainly has the potential to be overly depressing if we aren't careful, but at the same time, only then can we truly be aware of what it means to live.

(The roses we scattered into the sea at his sea burial.) 

After he became bedridden, it felt almost like a wild goose chase. Trying to chase whatever time remained, all the while feeling panicked at what might happen next in the foreseeable future. In the end, he managed to pass on in a way that I'm sure he would have wanted - with loved ones by his side, in his room at home, in the house he'd lived in for more than 30 years. Not everyone has the opportunity to pass on safely in the company of loved ones at home and I'm just so grateful that he was able to do so.



Sometimes I find myself tearing up at the most unexpected moments. Watching elderly patients interact with their grown children in the clinics... (especially the relatively healthy ones who remind me of my Ahkong before his stroke), listening to a talk about dementia and watching this local short film called Recipe (回味), directed at Eric Khoo starring Zoe Tay about coping with dementia (aghh it was a real tear-jerker because they kept playing the song, Mo Li Hua (茉莉花). I'm a real sucker for these maudlin soundtracks), even looking at my Ahpo and watching her talk or go about her activities. All of a sudden I'll feel as if something has gripped my heart inside and with a surge of emotion, the tears will come. So many people have to deal with or have dealt with loss in their lives. I know that this is a stage I have to go through and eventually it'll be better. 

(The colorful paper flowers in the center were made by my Ahpo for my Ahkong.) 

That said, I digress. What I've been thinking about over the past few months is a more focused version of the thoughts that occasionally flit through my mind. What do I want to focus on in my life? What are my priorities? Is what I'm doing now in line with my priorities and values in life? It's something that we all need to work out way through, more so as we grow older. I think for most people it starts out initially with being more selective about friends. As a child don't we all just want to have a ton of friends to hang out with and have fun? But as we grow older and have less energy after work to use on others, we have to grow more selective with who we want to focus our attention and efforts on. It's the same with all other aspects of life.

I really enjoyed reading the interview in Kinfolk with the author Greg McKeown who wrote the book, Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less, (definitely next on my reading list) because so much of it resonated with me. "The way of the Essentialist involves learning to tell the difference - learning to filter through all those options and selecting only those that are truly essential." It echoes with Marie Kondo's philosophy of selecting things that 'spark joy', keeping those and then discarding the others that don't mean enough to you.

I'm finding it harder and harder to stick it out there for things that don't mean enough to me now. Some people can say things like, "it's only two years of your life! Just continue on with it!", but to me, that's not how I want to live my life. In my mind, two years (or any amount of time, really) is a huge deal. Time is precious. How could we say, oh I'll just wait it out and in two years I'll move on to what I really want to do? Why would we want to do that to ourselves? Why should we shortchange ourselves in life?

Of course, it's never as simple as that. We can't all make such big changes in one fell swoop because it might not be feasible at this point in time. But I think taking a step back to evaluate where you are at in life and to remind yourself of what is important to you, will be helpful in getting you to wherever you want to go.

One thing that's hitting me hard now is the missed opportunities that I had over the past few years. With my Ahkong gone, now I'm trying my best to be there for my Ahpo and spend as much time with her as I can. Of course, I'm slowly building it into my schedule to make it a manageable, long-term habit of visiting and spending time with her, but I can't help but think about all those months and years that I could've spent with her on a more regular basis. It feels like in university I was pretty much in my own world; studying, university friends, junior college friends, exams, exams, exams, traveling whenever I could... I remember my mum telling me, Ahkong and Ahpo aren't getting any younger; you should really visit them more often. At the time, I distinctly remember myself making a conscious choice to not visit them so much. I was thinking to myself that it's time to take a step back. Who knows how much longer I will have with them? If I retreat now, I won't get so sad when I lose them eventually. Can you believe that? Sounds like a classic cheesy rom-com plotline in which the girl never manages to fall in love because she's always too afraid to get close to anyone. Can't believe I fell for that too. Not wanting to deepen my relationship with them was my way of shielding myself from the sadness that I would eventually experience at not having that relationship anymore. But with that sort of mindset, it's akin to saying, let's live a few years less, because the more we live, the more chances we have of experiencing such great happiness that when we die, it'll be an even greater shame to lose everything. Isn't that crazy? Might as well not live at all! Looking back, I just feel so much regret at that silly decision. All that time that I could have spent with both my grandparents...especially my Ahpo, who was so much sharper mentally then... It's something I will always regret. But then again, that's what it means to grow up doesn't it? We become a littler wiser (hopefully) and we do things better each day.

This was a slightly longer and more emotional post than usual, but it's something I thought I would want to share with you. Learn from my mistake, my young Padawan. There's no better time than now to think about your priorities in life; what's essential to your being. And once you come to a conclusion, time to think about what you can and need to do to in order to reach that stage.

(My dearest Ahkong and Ahpo, in 1945. 

This was the first time I'd seen this little slide photo. Now it's just my Ahpo left. I love her so much.) 

Time is so precious. There is such a thing as too much work but no one on their deathbed ever regretted spending too much time with their loved ones. Love while we can, when we can.

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My next step? Figuring out when to do a 'life-changing' bout of decluttering. ;p Marie Kondo's words have convinced me. It's very plausible, how the physical act of decluttering will translate to us streamlining our lives on so many levels, not just our physical spaces. (Do read her book, , The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organising Just need to figure out when would be a good time to do it. ;p Maybe one of the public holidays soon. 

Have a great Hari Raya holiday everyone and a wonderful restful weekend ahead.

xx

Home-Cooked: Blueberry + Lemon Almond Cake

This is simply the perfect cake to bake for a gathering of family and friends. 

And it has to be eating straight from the oven while it’s still hot on the outside, crispy on the side, with the gorgeous fragrance of toasted coconut still wafting around the house.

I discovered the incredible Green Kitchen Stories blog through instagram and boyyyy oh boyyy am I so in love with it!! First of all – vegetarian dishes. Second of all, uhhhmazingly beautiful photos! Seriously. This is something I aspire towards. Delicious, nutritious food that’s good for the mind and body. And picture perfect at that. (I think the incredible Swedish daylight and wealth of rustic homeware props plays a part too.)

After sifting through their incredible recipe archive, I decided upon a blueberry, lemon and almond cake because the combination of lemon + blueberry is one of my favorites. Plus, blueberries and lemons are much more readily available in supermarkets here at a more reasonable price than say… strawberries? Rhubarb? Blackberries? What I would give to be in a place which allowed me to pick those berries fresh or purchase them fresh from a farmer’s market. Ahhh.

(I just love the looks of fresh blueberries :D)

Yup, so instead of napping/studying in the afternoon before my shift (as the ideal worker in me would have done), I decided it was the perfect time to bake. This was actually a really easy recipe. I love it when you just have the simple equation of dry ingredients + wet ingredients = batter to be baked. Nothing too complicated that needs to be prepared. I did make one or two alterations to this recipe but by and large, I think it’s wonderful as it is. :D

(only very minimally adapted - from Green Kitchen Stories)

So the main changes I made were:

-         coconut oil instead of rapeseed oil

MAN oh man I definitely think it makes a huge difference! I’ve never been able to find rapeseed oil in the supermarkets before so I’m not too sure what it smells/tastes like but I expect it to be a rather neutral oil. Coconut oil is anything but neutral but is absolutely perfect for this cake! The fragrant nutty smell of the coconut oil baking in the batter…reminded me of toasted desiccated coconut. It goes so perfectly with the thicker, coarser texture of the almond cake. So I would definitely recommend using coconut oil in this cake.

-         adding the lemon zest to the yoghurt glaze

You know what? This was a total accident on my part. After the cake had been in the oven for a good 20 minutes, I turned back and discovered the box of lemon zest sitting on the kitchen counter. SIGH. All that zesting really makes your arm muscles ache. No way was I gonna waste that effort. So into the yoghurt it went. And I must say I love how the yoghurt was turned into a yummy, not-overly-sweet tasting glaze with the simple addition of maple syrup, vanilla and lemon juice. I think the lemon juice somehow made the yoghurt congeal a little bit so don’t worry if it looks watery initially. After some thorough mixing and refrigeration for a bit, it actually thickens up quite nicely.

Just my two cents of advice – I think it’s a good idea to keep the blueberries inside the cake to just about 1 cupful. I was all like, the more the merrier!! And added in about 1.5 cups of blueberries (maybe even close to 2 cups?) thinking it would be great with more blueberries inside. Yes it tasted nice but then it also made for a much softer, mushier base. After awhile when the berries burst and release their juices, the bottom of the cake ends up a little soggy which messes the cutting of the cake a little. So… less is more in this case. You can definitely go crazy with the blueberries on TOP of the cake.

I served it with the yoghurt glaze and blueberry topping on the side in a more DIY sort of fashion but it definitely looks prettier if the entire cake is dolled up with the glaze and blueberries from the start.

Perfect for nice big gatherings of say…10 people? :) It’s a cake that should be demolished right away.

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Can't believe it's Sunday night already. The weekend always flies by in such a jiffy. This was a great one though. After a decent session of work on Saturday morning, the afternoon was a wonderful curry puff baking session at my grand-aunty's place - lots of mixing, kneading, rolling, filling, learning from the masters and best of all, lots of laughter and smiles. :) It's originally my grandma's recipe but my grandaunt is an equally skilled baker so they were both trading tips and commenting to each other about the curry puffs they were making. "You shouldn't roll those out too big; smaller ones look nicer!" (Spoken in secret Hainanese code).

Can't wait for another baking session with my Ahpo hopefully this weekend. But first to get through another work week.

Have a great week ahead everyone~.

xoxo